Tools That Have Strengthened My Relationship Over the Years
Over the last 10+ years, Kyle and I have built a life together full of love, lessons, and growth. While every relationship has its own rhythm, I truly believe that staying connected and investing in your relationship takes consistent work, effort, and intention — especially once you add kids, careers, and life into the mix.
Here are a few tools and practices that have really helped strengthen and nourish our relationship over the years:
Couples Therapy
Kyle and I started going to couples therapy even before we got married. We both believe in therapy and how helpful it can be to have a neutral third party involved when discussing life, big decisions, and sensitive topics. We didn’t start therapy because we were having issues — we viewed it as an investment in our relationship to help ensure it stays strong and healthy.
Learning Each Other’s Love Languages
Early in our relationship, Kyle and I took the love languages quiz — but I’ll be honest, it took us years to fully learn how to show love in each other’s preferred way. My love language is words of affirmation, while Kyle’s is acts of service — two very different ways of expressing love!
Learning to speak each other's love language takes intentional effort, but it’s made a big difference in how we support one another.
Weekly Meetings
This has been life-changing for our relationship, especially after having kids and moving to the suburbs. So much of our life became centered on administrative tasks and schedules. Instead of letting that take over our quality time, we started setting aside one hour every week as our “weekly meeting.”
We follow a set agenda where we go through topics like:
Travel plans
Dinner plans
The kids’ schedules
Family events
Gifts
Budget and financial planning
Social calendars
And anything else that needs coordinating
Having this standing meeting allows us to stay on the same page without letting the day-to-day logistics overwhelm us.
Effort
I know this might sound obvious, but I think we’ve all been a little brainwashed by movies into thinking a great relationship should be effortless. The truth is, as time goes on — and as kids and life make things busier — it takes even more planning, thought, and effort to stay connected.
We try to prioritize spending quality time together, making space for real conversations, and finding small ways to grow together. Whether it’s planning date nights, scheduling alone time, or simply communicating intentionally, that consistent effort has been so important for us.
Having Fun Together
This might sound simple, but sometimes life makes it surprisingly easy to forget how important it is to just have fun together. Kyle and I actually made a list of all the activities we enjoy, and we try to prioritize them as much as possible.
For us, that includes:
Mountain biking
Walking
Skiing
Traveling
Spending time outdoors
Making a conscious effort to prioritize shared experiences has helped us stay close and enjoy the journey together, even in the midst of everything else going on.
My Takeaway
At the end of the day, relationships take work — but it’s work that feels worth it. These small habits and tools have made such a meaningful difference for Kyle and me, especially as life has gotten fuller over the years. Everyone’s relationship looks a little different, but for us, being intentional, communicating often, and making time for fun has helped us stay connected and strong.
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